by: Blog Club

A few entries from our esteemed blog club members for when the building commemorating bad media finally gets built. Video games, movies, music, all of it is on the table today!

The Room (Ceci Dupor)

Dubbed the “Citizen Kane of bad movies”, The Room has been a cult classic since its inception. Fans flock to late night screenings where they throw spoons in the air and yell at the screen. The plot follows Johnny and his fiancee, Lisa, who is cheating on him with Johnny’s roommate Mark. Tommy Wiseau, the mysterious man behind this amazing movie, had many ideas to fit into a two hour movie so many plot points are brought up but never returned to; for example, Lisa accuses Johnny of hitting her, and Lisa’s mom has cancer. There’s an inexplicable framed picture of a spoon, and the characters seemingly don’t know how to close a door. Still, the best part has to be the four minute worst coordinated intimate scene in history. Although seemingly low quality, it’s estimated that the production cost six million dollars, all of which Wiseau funded. Where did his money come from? No one knows. Where did Wiseau come from? No one knows. He has a distinct and unique Eastern European accent but claims he is from America. Perhaps the production was so expensive because he decided to film on both digital and 35mm. Despite the bad acting and bad writing, some find it especially profound. The tragic ending makes one turn inward to their own trauma and grief. While it seems like satire, I assure you it is not and Wiseau was seriously trying to create a dramatic American classic. 

Star Wars Episode 2 (Aniruddh Nambudiri)

“I don’t like sand. It’s coarse and rough and irritating… and it gets everywhere.” 

I remember watching Star Wars as a kid for the first time as a kid. I was so captivated and hooked by it all and moments in it stick to me to this day. Then I watched the prequels when I was 10. I still think about being utterly bored by it. It is just a bad movie with combat and the plot going nowhere at all but the more I grew up, the more I fell in love with the dialogue in this film. I am fascinated with how this same person would have been in charge for Episode 3’s final 45 minutes. A tragedy on par with some of the greatest dramas of all time. I am fascinated with this. I am still so entertained throughout and when I watched this again recently, I could not take my eyes off of it. It is an incredible piece of bad media and I could see myself investing in a copy of the script book sometime. That line lives deep in my soul. 

Fallout 4 (Jai C)

While Fallout 4 is not a movie to any degree, the plot of the game is so bizarre compared to the earlier games. We open up to a mirror scene to create the main character and have the ability to choose between two Nate and Nora. These names are so similar that you wouldn’t be surprised if they were twins. The characters are predetermined for you (similar to the plot of Fallout 3 where you start as a child of a vault dweller), where Nate is a former soldier and his wife, Nora, is a lawyer. When the character creation is finished, you learn you have a child and a robot named Mr. Handy. You are then interrupted by a Vault Tech representative who shows up at your door to discuss your placement in a local vault (that is maybe at most two blocks from your house). I admit that the set up for the SPECIAL mechanic is nicely implemented for this part as it asks what things you might bring to the vault. However, almost immediately after the Vault Tech representative leaves, you’re subjected to alarms going off to let you know the bombs are dropping, almost as if Vault Tech themselves caused the bombs to be dropped (they might’ve, but that’s another lore drop). You’re forced to go to Vault 111, and as soon as you enter, you are forced to get clothes on and then enter machines that are supposed to clean any radiation off of you. BUT NO, it’s a cryopod and now you’re frozen for 210 years. However, there is a scene in between these years to show you that your child was taken and your wife is now dead, the wife you have formed no emotional attachment to. You are then awakened again after a few years and you’re forced to come to terms about this dead wife and kidnapped son, but there is ultimately no reason to go looking for him since you don’t actually know the character. It’s a bit emotional for a bit but then you’re brought out of the vault to find Mr. Handy at your now ruins of a house. The plot kind of goes off the rails with your main objective is to go to Diamond City after learning the person who stole your son is there. You do more minor plot points and make settlements, but it all comes together when you first meet your son as the leader of the Institute. This is a subversion of expectations, but the lack of connection as father and son feels like it could be better. This is only exacerbated by the final point where you have to either let the Institute survive and side with it, or destroy it (which is the main part for all other endings). You would think the fact that he is your son would add more to the plot, but no. The main issue with this plot is simply that it doesn’t let the person playing roleplay as the character they want to be because the role is already decided for them. This was also an issue with Fallout 3 as previously mentioned. The game itself isn’t bad, but the plot stands out amongst the others like Fallout 1, 2, and New Vegas. This alone doesn’t make it a bad game, but it is definitely among the worst of the series when considering plot points.

2010 The Last Airbender Film (Elise Hendrickson) 

From previously esteemed M. Night Shyamalan, whose films like The Sixth Sense, Signs and the less equally enjoyed Split, would lead you to think that a cinematic take on Avatar The Last Airbender may actually have some chops. The original Nickelodeon show itself won Annie awards, Kid’s Choice Awards, and even a Daytime Emmy. It covered topics like imperialism and the results of genocide, yet still was chalked with humor and one-liners that made the show enjoyable for all ages. Unfortunately warping 20 episodes with multiple arcs into an 103 minute film with a $150 million budget proved much more difficult. The only major props I can give this movie is that visually it is quite striking, A+ for that. However, the rushing of plots left essentially every character a husk of their original self and incorporated a “tell not show” aspect of worldbuilding that becomes painful to watch. Plus, the child actors are plain terrible. For reference, watch Harry Potter or Stranger things to get a glimpse of good child acting, yes it is possible. Even the most crucial aspects are left out as there is essentially……no humor at all? Not sure who pitched the idea that a children’s show-turned-movie should be devoid of any laughs, but in the end all of these features amalgamate into a shell of a movie. 

Well deserving of its 5% on the Tomatometer

Batman Forever (Allison Kowalczyk) 

Released in 1995 Batman forever remains to be debated and discussed 30 something years later on the deepest pits of Tumblr, ah yes the hallmark of good media, a tumblr fandom. As someone who has been a lifelong Batman fan, it provides a humorous evening for someone who is familiar with the lore, and an even more confusing one for someone who is not (it is my favorite movie to show people to introduce them to Batman). Starring Val Kilmer as Batman, playing opposite of Jim Carrey’s Riddler (who I personally believe is in love with Batman in this film, trust me, just watch it) the two combat back in forth in a game of literal mind control and manipulation after the Riddlers sanity snaps due to being first by Batman’s alter ego, Bruce Wayne. The movie also features Chris O’Donnell as Robin, since the movie needed to be more upbeat so they could sell more toys. Unfortunately for the film, Chris O’Donnell was 23 at the time, making Robin appear to be a full grown man (which he was) and not the 15ish old kid he was portraying. While it didn’t exactly make the film more upbeat, it certainly made it more camp. To add icing on the cake, Jim Carrey truly carries the film through an outright campy humor marked by Carrey’s unique style of improv. At one point Carrey appears onscreen in a head to toe glitter bodysuit (no I’m not joking, I wish I could sit down with that costume designer about that one, I have questions). Combining the film’s both intentional and unintentional camp, it has become a horrible masterpiece, which I recommend to anyone who even mentions the name of Batman, or even better, the Riddler in my presence.