By WSUM Sports (@WSUMSports)
Forget about basketball. This is what March Madness really is. For decades, the topic of kids TV has remained quietly divisive within friend groups around the country. Now we settle the age-old debate the only way us sports fans know how. Cower in fear mortals and behold: the official WSUM Sports kids TV show bracket.
Soak it in. It’s glorious. OK its also terribly seeded, but that’s beyond the point. Our WSUM Sports committee debated into the night to create this bracket and after fierce deliberation, we concluded we wasted a ton of time. No matter. Let’s dive even deeper into the nonsense and preview all 32 first-round matchups!
Eastern Region: PBS
(1) Mr. Rogers vs (16) Caillou
Don’t expect an upset here. Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood is considered by many to be the gold standard for kids shows, and Caillou is simply too divisive to stand much of a chance. Only Mr. Rogers himself would have the patience to tolerate the most annoying child in the history of television. – Charles Strayer
(2) Wild Kratts vs (15) Zoboomafoo
Chris and Martin Kratt are two legends in the world of public broadcasting. Wild Kratts might be the most outright fun show in the history of PBS, but don’t sleep on the brothers’ live-action
creation starring an adorable (and perhaps slightly creepy) lemur. Wild Kratts should win this match, but make no mistake: Zoboomafoo deserves some recognition of its own. – Vince Hesprich
(3) Arthur vs (14) Barney
Fortunately or unfortunately, this matchup has a clear winner. No one watches Barney and wants to watch more. Meanwhile, Arthur’s beautifully simplistic story structure makes it a pinnacle of childhood TV. – Sydney Jones
(4) Curious George vs (13) Martha Speaks
Martha Speaks is the perfect name for a show built around a character who simply cannot stop talking. George has infinitely more personality than his overbearing opponent, and this match should be a blowout. Martha Speaks is not necessarily a BAD show, but Curius George is just the perfect mix of beautiful animation and enthralling plot. If George can knock off Wild Kratts, we might have a contender on our hands. – Vince Hesprich
(5) Sesame Street vs (12) Sid the Science Kid
Helping the world grow “smarter, stronger, and kinder”, Sesame Street was a staple in most American childhoods with a large variety of lovable characters and celebrity appearances. The show taught us about numbers and literacy, helped prepare us for our school years in a way deemed the “Gold standard” for educational TV. – Abigail Peterson
Facing off with Sesame Street at the #12 is Sid the Science kid known for introducing science to children through the wonders of music, friendship, and exploration. However, the characters had a somewhat creepy demeanor about them, which left lots of children changing the channel, definitely leaving Sesame Street as the favorite in this matchup. – Abigail Peterson
(6) Magic School Bus vs (11) Dragon Tales
Dragon Tales has its strengths and could rival Magic School Bus in emotional intelligence, but Magic School Bus clearly overtakes in general education and who doesn’t like a special school bus? – Sydney Jones
(7) Thomas the Tank Engine vs (10) Cyber Chase
We could perhaps find ourselves an upset in this matchup with Cyber Chase’s elite math lessons, but Thomas the Tank Engine certainly has a more renowned reputation. The question is, will that reputation be enough? – Abigail Peterson
(8) Reading Rainbow vs (9) Dinosaur Train
Two solid cornerstones of PBS, two of the best theme songs in the bracket too. If I had to choose, I’d give DT the slight advantage for the creativity of the premise. – Charles Strayer
Southern Region: Disney
(1) Phineas and Ferb vs (16) Ant Farm
There is a clear winner here. No upset should be expected. Ant Farm had its shining moment, but Phineas and Ferb will always be a classic. -cKira Rath
(2) Gravity Falls vs Austin and Ally
A show? Or a career starter? Gravity Falls let all of us become detectives and solve mysteries along with Mabel and Dipper. The show embraced the awkwardness in growing up and enlightened us on how to own that awkwardness. Austin and Ally is a solid but unspectacular opponent, especially against a titan of kids’ television. – Abigail Peterson
(3) Good Luck Charlie vs (14) Kickin it
Good Luck Charlie taught our generation the vlogger format we have capitalized on as we grew into adults. Focusing on an average family (unlike the stardom-seeking shows before it), the cast had some of the best chemistry shown by an onscreen family, and could relate to and entertain every member of your family.
Meanwhile, Kickin ‘it acted as a gateway show to Disney XD, with Sensei Rudy Gillespse taking a ragtag team of kids and turning them into karateka to save his failing dojo. The show has a creative premise, but all we can tell it for this round is “Good Luck Charlie!” – Abigail Peterson
(4) Suite Life of Zach and Cody vs (13) KC Undercover
It doesn’t get much more wholesome than The Suite Life of Zach and Cody. Balancing a show with identical twins is a tough task, but some clever writing and charming characters gets it done. Meanwhile, KC Undercover featured a spy family who recruited their teenage daughter into a dangerous life of crime-fighting under a secret government agency. Despite breaking child labor laws, the show displayed notable comedy and some impressive action scenes for children. Watch out for the upset! -Abigail Peterson
(5) Little Einsteins vs (12) Mickey Mouse Clubhouse
Little Einsteins will look to continue what they’ve done their entire time on air, and be the best show on Disney Jr. Little Einsteins has its iconic theme song and phenomenal adventures on the show. Though Disney is known for Mickey Mouse, the clubhouse was not their best show involving the mouse. Don’t overthink things here. – Nadiri Morgan-Thompson
(6) Jessie vs (11) Wizards of Waverly Place
Though Wizards of Waverly Place was great at the time, it may be argued the show itself is a bit forgettable. Jessie will always be remembered as a Disney Channel classic. – Kira Rath
(7) That’s so Raven vs (10) Lab Rats
Let’s not overthink things here. One of these shows got multiple spin-offs, the other one has not found the same success. Growing up though, I did want to be a superhero and Raven also has powers. When we talk about on an episode-to-episode basis, Raven had more entertainment and drama than Lab Rats. Lab Rats had one beloved character with Leo. That’s so Raven’s entire cast was loved. Don’t delay the inevitable here. – Nadiri Morgan-Thompson
(8) Kim Possible vs (9) Hannah Montana
Hannah Montana runs away with this one in my opinion, it’s peak live-action Disney Channel. It is not “Kim Possible” for Kim and Roofus to get the win, but they have the misfortune of taking on an underseeded opponent with serious cultural relevance. – Charles Strayer
Western Region: Nickelodeon
(1) SpongeBob vs (16) Legends of Kora:
SpongeBob is clearly the #1 overall seed of the tournament. There never has and never will be a show like it. Many haven’t even heard of Legends of Kora. Don’t expect an upset here. – Matthew Stashower
(2) Drake and Josh vs (15) Hey Arnold
Drake and Josh may be one of the best teen shows to ever appear on Television. The idea of putting two direct opposites as main characters has been done before, but never as successfully as Drake and Josh. Hey Arnold! doesn’t stand a chance here. – Matthew Stashower
(3) Victorious vs (14) Danny Phantom
Victorious is an amazing teen show and includes all the drama that a Los Angeles-based teen show would expect. Danny Phantom is very different from being animated for a younger audience. I think Victorious will pull it out, but Danny Phantom could give Victorious a run for its money. – Matthew Stashower
(4) iCarley vs (13) Wonder Pets
iCarley, the Seattle-based teen show, is also very well-known among a certain generation and includes lots of drama as well. Wonder Pets is very different from iCarley, including music and animated animals, but I think the nostalgia of iCarley will push it to the second round. – Matthew Stashower
(8) Henry Danger vs (9) Big Time Rush
This is a tough matchup. Henry Danger has influenced many hilarious memes in recent years, but the absolute bangers that have come out of Big Time Rush are unmatched. – Kira Rath
Midwest Region: Cartoon Network
(1) Regular Show vs (16) Looney Tunes (2011):
Regular Show will look to dominate because this version of Looney Tunes is just a remake and can’t compete with the original’s legacy. Regular Show has iconic characters and short episodes that have insane plots, as the characters could go from eating a sandwich to battling a sandwich master. Looney Tunes (2011) only lasted two seasons because it couldn’t replicate the iconic original and it never gave off the same vibes. – Dylan Aamodt
(2) Ninjago: Masters of Spinjitzu vs (15) Courage the Cowardly Dog
You know the toys. You know the theme song. You know the Ninjas. They’re both inspirational and aspirational. If Courage the Cowardly Dog embraces this challenge, then it will simply die braver than most. This will be the biggest blowout of the first round. Book it. – Vince Hesprich
(3) Total Drama Island vs (14) Steven Universe
Total Drama Island is a phenomenal show that is super entertaining. The show is very whimsical and has a great cast of characters. Steven Universe is a show that while it involves a lot of cool life lessons but doesn’t quite have the entertainment value that Total Drama Island does. We don’t watch cartoons to have life lessons shoved down our throats. Total Drama Island teaches us life lessons through fun experiences. You know what to do here folks. – Nadiri Morgan-Thompson
(4) Star Wars: The Clone Wars vs (13) The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
Star Wars as a franchise, has some really weird plot points. Luke and Leia’s… relationship aside, the force can be a confusing plot device. That said, the craziness of Star Wars cannot hold a candle to The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy: a show that involves the literal Grim Reaper befriending a pair of children. Even the show’s own fanbase seems to hate its characters. This is, no lie, the Fandom wiki’s description of Mandy:
“She is shown to be grumpy, intelligent, quiet, bitter and utterly ruthless with no redeeming qualities whatsoever.”
I rest my case. – Vince Hesprich
(5) Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated vs (12) Adventure Time
Scooby-Doo is an all-time classic and honestly should be a higher seed. It is an all-time classic that anyone can relate to and everyone knows. Adventure Time is a classic animated show, but not sure it’s as well-known as Scooby-Doo. Don’t expect a 12 vs 5 upset here. – Matthew Stashower
(6) The Amazing World of Gumball vs (11) Ben 10
I think we’re heading towards an upset here. While the Amazing World of Gumball is a great show, it’s not beating the original Ben 10. Ben 10 is referenced every day when people get watches, they had his variants in Happy Meals, etc. The Amazing World of Gumball, with all due respect, never quite had the motion that Ben 10 had. Expect an upset here, folks. – Nadiri Morgan-Thompson
(7) Johnny Test vs (10) Ed, Edd, n Eddy
Don’t overthink things here. Johnny Test is obviously superior. A lot of people will have nostalgia blind them in favor of Ed, Edd, n Eddy, but the bottom line is that Johnny Test is better. The antagonist-protagonist relationship between Johnny Test and Bling Bling Boy was cinema. Dukey the dog is probably one of the best characters in Cartoon Network history, and as someone who hates dogs, he’s the only dog I like. Plus, the twins had a phenomenal aura, and were strong independent women who we have to root for during Women’s History Month. Do the right thing here, folks. – Nadiri Morgan-Thompson
(8) Teen Titans vs (9) Teen Titans GO!
Teen Titans GO! is the clearly superior show in this matchup. While Teen Titans was especially relevant in the millennial era, TTG is a core childhood memory across multiple generations. Combining simple, childlike humor with complex learning made easy, Teen Titans GO! blows any competition out of the water, even its doppelgänger Teen Titans. – Sean Duffy
